past,present and future

pondering several things...for one...that first line of this entry...
and where to go from here.
The close of this school year has left me thinking.
do I really want to spend my life as a graphic designer?
working for fickle clients and fickler art directors.
I imagine that someday i'd work my way to the top and become an Art Director myself,
but there is a vast chasm of years and experience standing between now and then.
I wonder if I'll have what it takes.
or rather, will I be able to learn what I need to, to survive in the business?
It's becoming more and more apparent that school is not going to prepare me for the "real world"
sure, I'll learn plenty of techniques and 'how-to'
but will I learn how to perform in the atmosphere of the 'real world'
i have no doubt that I will have a rough time as i take my first steps into the field.
the question then becomes...
can I handle it?
do I want to handle it?
will I have the talent and the drive and focus to get the jobs that I need and then perform well in them?
I have no desire to go out and do mediocre work. It's all or nothing.
I had a chat with my wonderful teacher and another fellow today, they've both been in the field for years and know their stuff.
I learned more practical knowledge in the hour that I sat and listened to them, then I have all year long in all my classes.
does anyone else see a problem with this?
I realize that I need an education because that is what the business world has deemed necessary.
but can't i expect more from it?
I aim to learn how to ask the right questions and to challenge the teachers so that I get everything I possibly can out of these few years I'll spend in school.
My teacher pointed out to me a few days ago that I am at a point in my life, design-wise that I can do whatever I want.
This is my one chance to do crazy things with zero restrictions. I'm going to do my darndest to take full advantage of it.
God has always been good to me, and I live an incredibly blessed life no matter where i go or what i do. i couldn't be more thankful for that.
So i guess it's just figuring out where to go from here.

i shouldnt think about all thiss,i still have a longggggggg journey that i need to go through

and mayb i just think too much~

Daydreamer

I daydream a LOT, and I don't seem to ever really manage to decrease the daydreaming, but I have learned that they my daydreams have a lot to tell me. I find the form my daydreams is very revealing of what I really want and how I want to feel.. I do daydream about running into people with whom I have unfinished business and getting to resolve things. I daydream about my past and imagine going back to redo, rearrange and improve things. And I daydream about what I want to do and have happen to me in future...imagining a possible scenario all the way up to.. well, silly fantasies.lol.. and sometime i feels like i can escape from real world

and sometimes I find myself smiling if I was thinking of something funny. I'm sure I look like an idiot

and sometimes i dream about someone being there to comfort me when im upset.
Is is odd/unhealthy, when upset, if no one's around to talk to me or whatever, to kinda imagine someone i really trust or like being there with me?... Saying reassuring things i wanna hear.
Like, if I feel incredibly vulnerable and like no one's there for me, I'll just go lay down and pretend they are, and it gives me some kind of sense of security I guess.I

I’ve never talked to anyone about my daydreaming – it’s too silly and embarassing...omg

Art and Fear

yesterday i have a conversation with my ex classmate .a good friend of mine when i was in the foundation year
he is an interior design student,he's story me how he feels right now because he not really sure what is he doing..i mean he dont really sure is he take the right path or not...

he afraid that he cannot survive in design world..he afraid that he wont be successfull..and he also afraid that he will be lousy designer,..

when i was in the same class with him..he's is the one always energetic,very positive...and always make the work cincai2 one but always get a good marks...
a very talented young man.

anyway,
me,myself also afraid that i wont be successfull....deep inside me afraid that i lost my strenght,,afraid that i lost my confident..and what if i lost my wisdom..

and the most scary thing is what if i cant produce any good work anymore..people dont like or hate my work..so scary..

i feels like im the most untalented student..but i keep telling myself that i need to work harder. and harder

because i know what i done in the past will affected me in prensent or future.




”What separates artists from ex-artists is that those who challenge their fears continue; those who don’t, quit.” Art and Fear, page 14.